Scent at a Celebration of Life or Memorial: A Gentle Guide

A gentle guide to using scent at a celebration of life or memorial: asking the family, keeping it very light, caring for sensitive guests and keepsakes.

Planning a celebration of life or a memorial is a tender task, often done quickly and while carrying a great deal. Most of what matters is about people: who speaks, which photographs are shown, which stories are told. Scent is a small thing by comparison, and it should stay that way. But for some families, a familiar scent in the room, very lightly, is one more way to make the gathering feel like the person it honours. This guide is for anyone wondering whether to include scent, and how to do it gently.

Why a familiar scent can feel meaningful

Many of us have had the experience of catching a scent, a particular soap, a garden after rain, a coat in a cupboard, and being carried straight back to someone. There's a reason for that. Harvard neuroscientist Venkatesh Murthy explains that smell signals travel very quickly to the brain's limbic system, which includes areas involved in emotion and memory (Harvard Gazette, 2020). In one study, memories called up by a scent were rated as more emotional and evocative than memories called up by the same cue seen or heard (Herz, Chemical Senses, 2004).

That is also why scent at a memorial asks for care. A scent that brings warmth to one person may bring a wave of feeling to another. Some families find a familiar scent a gentle way of bringing someone to mind; others would rather the room were simply quiet and fresh. Both are right. Scent is not a remedy for grief and shouldn't be presented as one. At most, it is a small, thoughtful detail.

Ask the family first

Before anything else, ask. If you're a friend, a planner or a venue helping to organise the gathering, check with the closest family members whether they would like scent at all, and if so, what kind.

Some helpful questions:

Was there a scent they associated with the person? A favourite flower, a garden, the cedar of a cottage, fresh linen, coffee in the morning.
Is there anything they'd rather avoid? A scent connected with a hospital, a difficult time or a particular place may be better left out.
Would they like it only at the entrance, or not at all? Leaving the gathering unscented is always a perfectly good answer.

If the person had a signature perfume, many families prefer to keep that personal rather than fill a room with it. A bottle on a memory table, or a scarf or handkerchief that carries it, may feel more intimate than scenting a space.

Keep it very light

At a celebration of life, scent should sit at the edge of awareness. Guests may not consciously notice it at all, and that's fine.

Choose one soft scent. Gentle, airy scents such as Thé Blanc (white tea and aloe) or clean, light florals tend to sit more quietly than rich, sweet or smoky ones.
Place it at the entrance only, or near the memory table. Avoid the seating area, the space where people will speak, and anywhere food is served.
Use less than you would at a party. In a reed diffuser, fewer reeds. With any scent system, the lowest setting.
Set it up early. Let the scent settle well before guests arrive so it doesn't feel like something added at the last minute.
Check with the venue. Funeral homes, places of worship, halls and restaurants may have their own policies on scent. Follow them.

Sensitive guests

Memorials often bring together people of all ages, including older relatives and guests who may be sensitive to fragrance. Canada's workplace health and safety centre notes that reactions to scented products range from mild irritation to reactions severe enough to keep people from everyday activities (CCOHS).

Keep one room or area clearly unscented, keep air moving where you can, and if anyone mentions sensitivity, remove the scent without hesitation. It's far better to have no scent than to make anyone uncomfortable on a day like this. Our guide to scenting considerately has more on this.

A keepsake scent for family members

For some families, the most meaningful use of scent comes after the gathering rather than during it. A small keepsake in a scent that reminds them of the person, or of the day they gathered to remember them, can be something to keep at home.

A small reed diffuser for close family. A travel-size reed diffuser, such as our Thé Blanc travel reed diffuser, fits on a bedside table, a bookshelf or beside a photograph.
Something to share with those who travelled. Small bottles in the same scent can be a quiet thank-you to people who came a long way.
Let people choose. Offer, don't insist. Some people will want a keepsake and others won't, and either is fine.

If you're choosing a reed diffuser as a keepsake, our guides on how to choose a luxury reed diffuser and how long a reed diffuser lasts may help. If there are pets in the home, use caution and ask a veterinarian.

If you'd like help

Most families will need nothing more than a single reed diffuser by the door, or no scent at all. If you're planning a larger gathering in a venue and would like someone to take care of scent quietly, our event scenting service covers ceremonies and events as well as weddings. It begins with a complimentary video call, and we serve the Greater Toronto Area and travel across Southern Ontario. You can also write to the Curator, a real person, at [email protected].

Quick answers

Is it appropriate to use scent at a celebration of life? It can be, if the family would like it. Ask them first, keep it very light, place it at the entrance or memory table only and leave an unscented area for sensitive guests.

What scent is suitable for a memorial service? Soft, airy scents and light florals usually sit most quietly. A scent the family associates with the person, such as a garden or fresh linen, can make it more personal.

Should we scent the room with the person's own perfume? Many families prefer to keep a personal perfume intimate, for example on a scarf or on the memory table, rather than filling a room with it.

What is a meaningful keepsake for family after a memorial? A small reed diffuser in a scent that reminds them of the person can be placed beside a photograph or on a bedside table at home.

Can Velour and Vellum help with scent for a memorial or celebration of life? Yes, quietly and only as the family wishes. Our event scenting service covers ceremonies and events across the Greater Toronto Area and Southern Ontario.

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